...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
