My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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