Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
