I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
