I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
