Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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