Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
