Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is Oprah even human
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
