What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize