Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
