So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize