hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
