I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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