I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize