Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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