my mouth tastes like poor choices
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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