Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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