Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
