i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
