my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
