Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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