Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize