when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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