Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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