Don't make out with my wife yet
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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