you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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