someone threw a dead crab at me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
