my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
