I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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