We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
