i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
