ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
