John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
