so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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