Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
