jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
