the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
