Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
