Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
