people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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