Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
