i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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