For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
