Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
