I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
