Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
