god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
