Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
