did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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