I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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