now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
