my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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