im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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