i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.