He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
sex in a hospital.. check
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?