Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.