Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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