y did u give ur computer a hand job?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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