i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
