i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She bit a glass in half.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
