Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
