It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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