and you said cock pushups were impossible
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
