i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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