I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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