I need help removing her.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
