Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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