FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
