you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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