Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ok first of all what the fuck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
