he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
