You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
