I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
